I bought a binder

Today I finally bought a chest binder. I was expecting to be a bit more scared than I actually was, but I think I'm just so tired of dealing with dysphoria that it kind of overrode how freaked out I was. I'm still worried though, about whether it'll fit properly and how I'm going to hide it from my family and how I'll wash it, but I still think this was the right choice for myself. I've sent it to the post office rather than my house so I can get it discreetly without my parents knowing, and I'm hoping one of my friends will let me try it on for the first time at their house so that I don't get caught by family. But I feel like I've asked too much of them when it comes to all of the trans stuff, and I'm worried they'll get a bit sick of it as well. I don't know. Given the family, my friends are the only people I can really rely on about this stuff.

Honestly, the amount I have to worry about my family and what they'd think is more exhausting than the actual dysphoria XD

I'm also a bit worried because it's second hand. I would've bought it new if it wasn't so fucking expensive. The description said it hadn't even been worn before, which is reassuring because it means it's new, but also worrying because it means there's no info on how it fits. But I'm honestly just really fucking desperate lmao so I'll take it even if its a bit small. IDK how coherent this is because I'm tired and this whole thing requires far more energy than it should, but I hope this all makes sense lol. I just needed somewhere to vent all of this that isn't spamming my friends because they get more than enough of that about all my problems at the minute XD